Cutting people from your life, especially those close to you is hard. There’s no going around it. It sucks, and none of us actually wants to do it, but for your own sanity and your own mental health, sometimes it just has to be done. Lately, I’ve just learned to distance myself from those around me that have (in my opinion) questionable morals and toxic mindsets. Of course, we should be there for others and support those we love, but when it starts to affect your own mental health, it’s time to consider that maybe that cord just needs to be cut, or at least distanced as much as possible.
I just went through this really recently, and that’s what inspired this post. I was made to feel so guilty. I was made to feel like I was a terrible friend time and time again (with this specific person) whenever I pulled away. But, I was always finding that my anxiety would be heightened, and I’d always feel on edge. We couldn’t have a disagreement with vulgarity and anger from that side of the conversation instead of discussing a disagreement calmly and respectfully like two adults, and that’s just not okay. I don’t need to be on edge wondering when I’ll be verbally attacked.
I would dodge phone calls and not want to respond to text messages because I just couldn’t take anymore. And then, I would be labeled a terrible friend, and I’m not. But, what a lot of people need to realize is that only we can save ourselves. I can’t continuously hear how terrible someone’s life is and how awful the cheating in their relationship is and how much they hate their job. When that’s all we talk about, I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to hear it because every time I try to help, offer suggestions, or advice I get shut down. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to vent to friends and look for support and that boost when you need it! But, the problem I have is consistently listening to the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY and that person doing absolutely nothing to change their situation.
Getting cheated on? Find your confidence and strength to leave! If you love that person or don’t have the strength to leave (which unfortunately happens often), then stay and find your peace with what’s happening. Hate your job with a passion? Put out applications and find something else! Feeling depressed and miserable? Find a professional to speak with and work hard with that professional to improve your mindset and your life. JUST DO SOMETHING! TRY! I’m not saying it’s easy, but I’ve been there, and I know that it’s possible. Nobody saved me. Nobody pulled me from my anxiety and depression because they can’t. I had to help myself. I am so grateful for those that supported me and helped out where they could, but the rest was on me, and I learned that along the way.
I have the patience, compassion, and time to help you, guide you, and support you. I do not have the patience, compassion, and time for your pity party. I have worked too damn hard over the past nine months to boost my confidence, my attitude, and energy, and my mindset to be brought back down by someone else’s negativity. I have to focus on myself because I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to be the best I can regarding employment, family, friends, and my relationship, and now I’m working extra hard to make sure I’m the best mom I can be. Priorities change and people grow at different speeds. Sometimes that means that those around you need to be left behind. Sometimes those around you need to save themselves.
I wanted to write this post because of the guilt I was made to feel, and I don’t want any of you to feel that way because of people in your lives. You’re not being selfish. You’re protecting your energy and your mind, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’re loving yourself first, and that’s such an important thing to do. You must take care of you before you can take care of anyone else.