If you suffer from anxiety, your boyfriend going out with his friends can be an intimidating and scary thought. Maybe you suffer from trust issues, abandonment issues, codependency issues, or something else entirely. Maybe you fear your boyfriend getting physically hurt, cheating, or finding someone else. Maybe you really don’t even know why it freaks you out so damn bad, but it just does.
Whether you recognize the true reason or not, I’m going to tell you exactly what you should and should not be doing the moment that this anxiety hits you.
DO NOT: Try to control the situation
The only way to control the situation is literally to show up wherever your boyfriend is at and take over. I hope you realize that that is absolutely insane. Give him his space and his time, and just wait it out. I promise you. That is the healthiest thing you can possibly do.
Honestly though, if something bad happens, you cannot stop it, so stressing yourself to the max won’t make a damn difference. Relax.
DO: Accept that you have no control over what happens tonight
No matter how afraid you are, how anxious you are, or how irritated you are, there is nothing you can do to have any control over your boyfriend’s guy’s night out. (Except crash it, and in that case, you are insane.) Control issues are generally a side effect of anxiety because controlling everything and making it go your way eases your anxiety, but it’s not realistic. You need to realize that you do not and cannot control your boyfriend, his decisions, or his actions. Trust that he will be safe, he will make the right choices, and that he loves you.
DO NOT: Consider the worst-case scenarios
My anxious brain wants me to think about our last argument and all the reasons he could possibly want to leave me for someone else. It wants me to consider any and every possibility out there; cheating, abandonment, harm, etc. Just stop considering every bad outcome and every worst case scenario.
DO: Think happy thoughts
I can guarantee that those worst-case scenarios are not even plausible in your relationship. You are going overboard! Just think happy, positive thoughts! Think about how amazing your last date was, that super sweet thing that your boyfriend said to you earlier today, and definitely think about how much he loves you and how committed he is to you. Remind yourself how incredible your relationship truly is and that should help to calm you down.
You should also be thinking happy thoughts about yourself. I know it’s tough to do, but you need to hype yourself up and focus on all the reasons your boyfriend is with you like the fact that you take care of him day and night, he loves your cooking, you’re super loyal, and you’re damn good in bed. What the hell is he gonna leave for? That’s right, nothing!
DO NOT: Sit & sulk
Sitting and thinking will only leave you with a worried mind. Stop thinking about what he’s doing at this exact moment, who he may be with, or when you’re going to hear from him. You will drive yourself absolutely nuts if you allow your mind to race with these thoughts.
DO: Keep yourself busy
Go for a walk, watch a movie, run errands, go out with your friends, clean the house or even go to sleep. Just do anything to keep yourself busy, and your mind off of what your boyfriend is doing. I just focus on my blog and my writing and I have a friend who will binge watch Grey’s Anatomy and fall asleep. Just find something that works for you!
DO NOT: Text or call your boyfriend
NO! NO! NO! I know your curiosity is probably going to kill you all night, but LEAVE HIM ALONE! This is extremely important.
DO: Text or call a friend
Instead of running to your boyfriend, call or text a friend who you can vent to. Explain all the crazy things you’re feeling and the two of you can work together to rationalize your thoughts. This trick is how I learned to hype myself up!
DO NOT: Let your mind race or your breathing get shallow
Most severe anxiety sufferers deal with anxiety/panic attacks on a pretty regular basis. If you don’t, be extremely thankful for that. If you do, listen carefully. I know your mind is going to race, the room is going to get hot, you’re going to feel dizzy, and before you know it, you can’t breathe. I’ve been there. Don’t let yourself reach that point.
DO: Take deep breaths
If you do suffer from anxiety/panic attacks then remember to take deep, slow breaths. Do whatever you need to do to slow your heart rate, think positive thoughts, and calm your body. Sending yourself into an attack will only make it worse on you.
DO NOT: Blow up his phone
This goes along with not texting or calling him in the first place, but I’d like to reiterate this fact because ff you blow up his phone, he’s going to run. He’ll end up avoiding you even longer just because he doesn’t feel like dealing with you and your insecurities while he’s trying to relax with his buddies. Please don’t allow yourself to be the “crazy girlfriend” among his friends. That will do more damage than you realize.
DO: Let him have his space & time
Remember that your boyfriend must have his time and space away from you in order to be happier in your relationship. He needs his independence, even if you struggle with it. Holding him back is not fair to him. Also, remember that guys often use guy’s night to just relax. If your man has been tensed up and stressed lately, focus on the positive; this night with his buddies is going to relax him and help him de-stress which will only help your relationship.