For the most part, this week went pretty well, but I definitely had a low point this week. Looking back, I feel like my once a week low point is a pattern and one that I would definitely like to change. But, considering the fact that I stick to one a week (unintentionally, obviously) I consider that a success.
Today has been decent, thankfully. I finally got to sleep in after 9 straight days of work, so I didn’t roll out of bed until about 8. I’ve fallen out of my habit of morning tea, but I have a new mug, so that’s pretty good incentive! I went with lemon ginger today.
My mom brought the mug back for me from Seattle on a business trip. I love it! She really wants to take me back. She said I’d fall in love with it just like she did.
Since my biggest focus here on The Balanced Belles is to be real, transparent, and connect with my readers, I’ll be totally honest; it’s taking everything I have just to write this recap today. I actually started at 9 am and didn’t get around to finishing until almost 5:30. I was really hoping for a boost of productivity and motivation today, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening.
I just get a little zoned out sometimes. I really feel like it’s a coping mechanism for avoiding anxiety. There are things that I could feel anxious about today, but it’s like my brain just gets too tired to focus on anything that could trigger anxiety, so I just get zoned out in order to avoid it.
But… recaps come out every Friday, and I am still determined to make this happen.
So, onto the recap!
Last Saturday was a late night at work. Working until 10 PM kills me because as most of you know, bedtime for me would be 7 PM if I could make that happen every night! But, it was a really easy day mentally, so I always consider those good days! After work, I came home and relaxed for a while, and then spontaneously (as usual) Will and I ended up spending a few hours together.
One of the things I love the most and hate the most is being last minute and not knowing what’s going to happen next. The unknown is something that really comes along with Will because he’s super spontaneous and completely disorganized. Those are things that really trigger anxiety for me, but it forces me to step out of the box and let life happen. I love that he’s able to bring that to my life. It’s been really good practice for learning how to let go of control.
But, when it comes to Will and me, our most spontaneous nights are usually the best!
I had to go to work at 9 AM on Sunday, which is pretty odd for me. I don’t work Sundays too often, but it was a good day. It was completely anxiety free! After I got off work, I stopped for pizza (per mom).
On my way home from picking up the pizza, my tire pressure notification popped up. Since it’s totally normal to need to put some air in your tires on occasion, I didn’t think anything of it. The only thought I had was, hm, I’ll need to let Will know so he can put some air in my tires, because he does that stuff for me, which I’m so grateful for.
But, once I got home and stepped out of the car, I instantly heard this loud whistling, and I knew… flat tire. I looked, and there was a huge nail sticking out of it. My brother came and put the spare on for me and loaded my flat into the back. Even through that, my anxiety didn’t rise.
I had dinner, showered, meditated, and then went to sleep.
Monday was my low point, and it was not pretty. I had a 4 AM day, and it was one of those days that I woke up with morning anxiety. By the time I left work at noon, I was exhausted. I was fighting anxiety and negative reactions to that anxiety so hard that it made me physically exhausted.
But, as soon as I was done with work, I had to go straight to Belle Tire to have my tire patched. It was going to take a couple of hours, so I left it and went home to eat in the meantime. They called me to pick it up about an hour and a half later.
I spent the rest of the day writing posts, getting caught up on odds and ends, and then I went to the track with my mom and Coby. Unfortunately, the rest of the night just went downhill, and it was really really hard. It was an I’m-having-a-mental-breakdown-because-I-can’t-handle-anything kind of night.
I woke up on Tuesday with a really bad headache, and just didn’t want to get out of bed. I could feel how puffy my face and eyes were from the night before. I felt like I’d been beaten up, but my day improved from there. It was a slow day, making it easy and calm.
I was up again at 3 on Wednesday. It was a weird day, kind of like today, but it was a decent one. I worked until noon and then Will and I headed for lunch before going to the park for about an hour of basketball before he went to work. It’s a fun routine. Once he headed off to work, I got showered and cleaned up. It was so hot, so basketball really built up a sweat!
While Will was at work, I came home and just relaxed. I got a little bit of work done, but not much. I’m trying not to push myself as much as I used to, and when I feel like I need to just do nothing, I listen to myself and rest. It does help lessen my anxiety. Once Will got off work, we went to his house. He wanted to watch that new Adam Sandler & Chris Rock movie on Netflix. So, he watched it and I laid down and fell asleep in 2.5 seconds.
I laid my head in his lap and asked if he’d rub my forehead which he thought was really weird, but it’s actually really calming for me, and I was out like a light!
Yesterday was another good day. I didn’t have to be to work until 10 which I normally hate, but I needed the extra rest! After work, I met my friend, Kendra, at the track where my mom and I take Coby, and we walked for an hour. If it weren’t for her, I would have gone straight home. I was exhausted and sore, but having her to make me accountable was really nice! Plus, we got the chance to catch up. I’m meeting some other friends tonight, too!
I know that getting social with different people has really helped my separation anxiety and codependency lately. Especially on a day like today! 😉
How was your week?
Have you ever been to Seattle?
What are your plans for the weekend?