Codependency is a real bitch…
I’ve found myself struggling severely with codependency and separation anxiety for several years, but it’s worsened over the past year and a half to two years now. Separation anxiety is what I generally suffer from on a day-to-day basis. Of course, I have my days where I feel anxious over finances, progress in life, work, etc., but I would definitely say that separation anxiety is the most prominent for me.
Unfortunately, separation anxiety leads to codependency which is a very unhealthy attachment, and then that leads to bad habits in relationships, which impacts the relationships negatively, and then you’re left with even more anxiety. It’s really a sick, nasty circle.
Separation anxiety leaves me in fear of being left out, rejected, and unloved. It makes me very sensitive, and it causes me to take things too personally. And just like any form of anxiety, it is utterly exhausting. To live in constant fear over the most ridiculous things is very frustrating for me, and for those around me.
If you’re not sure if you suffer from codependency, but think you might, you can check out the symptoms here! I highly recommend the article! It explains it so well!
For those of you reading this who do suffer, and can openly admit it to yourself ( I know it sucks), I really want to leave you with some tips that help me get through my day-to-day life. I understand how scary, and frustrating, and exhausting living this way is. Unfortunately, I’m not a recovering codependent, and it’s not a part of my past.
I am a codependent, and I struggle every day.
Here’s how I manage, and how you can too;
Keep yourself as busy as possible
Keeping yourself busy is so important! Find tasks that will keep your mind focused and take up a lot of time. Some of my favorite things to do are run errands, go to the bookstore, work at the library, go to dinner with my friends, binge-watch Netflix, and blog!
Set rules & boundaries
I literally have rules set for myself in the notepad in my phone. I know it sounds strange, but it works for me and helps keep me grounded and more rational, even when my mind wants to be crazy. My rules include:
-Cannot initiate contact before noon
–Can only initiate contact ONCE per day
-Use role reversal when anxiety strikes
-Turn to a friend or writing first
-No texting at work unless on a break. I know this might sound strange because most people don’t have to think twice about these things. These are very basic and average responses, but with my codependency, I’m not able to react in the “normal” way. Therefore, I have to limit myself and keep my actions in check. If you struggle too, give it a try!
Find something you can dedicate your time and brain power to
My blog has been my savior for the past four months now. It takes up SO much of my time, and it allows me to express my anxiety in a creative and healthy way.
Also, I have big, big plans for my blog and my ultimate goal is to blog full-time one day. That goal is taking a lot of focus, time, and dedication, so I’m able to put all of that towards something healthy and prosperous instead of towards my codependent habits.Plus, having goals will help boost your self-esteem and confidence along the way and feeling good about yourself will make a big difference!
Have a self-care day & focus on YOU
While goals are very important during this process, so is self-care. As you know, I’m a big fan of self-care, and I genuinely believe it is essential for those suffering from any type of anxiety. When you’re feeling that anxiety creep up, and you’re noticing those signs of codependency, stop and focus on you, not the other person! Try to clear them from your mind. Stay off of social media; shut your phone off for a while if you’re having trouble controlling yourself and your actions. Distance yourself and learn to rely on YOU! I think getting rid of your phone for a while is a huge step. Leave it at home and go for a walk outside, or go walk around a store, or take a bath, or just watch a movie. Take some time for yourself and remove the temptation of relying on someone else all the time.
Do you suffer from separation anxiety?
What are some of your own codependent habits?
How do you cope?