So, I spent two hours outside on Wednesday on the best walk! The sun was shining, the air was warm, and I was just in Heaven. Aaaaand today, we’re dealing with the aftermath of the all-day snowstorm that we got yesterday. Hello, March; welcome to Michigan!
Anyway, last Friday was so much fun! I was off, so I spent the day working at home, and then up with Krystal after she got out of work.
We went to Buffola Wild Wings, ate good food, had a few too many margaritas, and laughed the entire time.
We really had such a great time, and I’m so glad that I have Krystal in my life to spend these moments with!
Saturday was another really fun day, for the most part. After running an errand in the morning with my mom, I met up with Will for lunch before he had to be at work. We had a great time. I totally forgot a photo!
After lunch, I headed to home to gather up some paperwork that I needed and went to my tax appointment. Finally! People think it’s so strange that I have someone else do my taxes instead of plugging in numbers online, but it’s a very confusing process for me. Plus, in addition to my personal taxes, I also have to have the taxes of two (soon to be three) different businesses that need to be done as well. And, I DO NOT mess with the IRS. I’m terrified of making mistakes and costing myself money later on, so I just let the pro handle it!
I had plans to meet Will later that night after he got off of work, and I didn’t feel like heading all the way back home until then, so instead, I headed for Panera to get some work done. But, on the way I passed Target… and I’m a girl… and it’s Target! So, of course, I stopped.
I looked around forever and ended up leaving with two things. One was this book; The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I’ve heard incredible things about this book from everybody and their brother, and I’ve always wanted to read it, so as soon as I saw it, I snatched it up.
Now, I debated sharing this because it’s very personal, and I’m a little ashamed of it, but I want to relate to my readers on a really personal level, so I decided to just be transparent and talk about this. First, for those that do keep up on my blog, you may be wondering about my lunch date on Saturday, and for now, I’ll just say that things feel very good right now and everything is being taken one day at a time 🙂
Now, let’s be honest, anxiety and depression can have very, very damaging effects on one’s relationships. Anxiety often goes hand in hand with insecurity, fear, jealousy, control, fear of abandonment, selfishness, and more. That can make things very stressful for both people, so that’s one of the reasons I was interested in this book for so long. I know that I can never have a truly healthy relationship without learning to overcome some of the really terrible qualities and traits that come along with anxiety. I’ve always known that I have to tackle them one day at a time and learn to rewire my brain.
Now, during a conversation with Will yesterday, he said something to me while my anxiety was flared up that he has said to me multiple times, but it never truly clicked, or maybe I just wasn’t really listening before now. He said, “I love you, and I care about you, and I always show that to you, but you don’t always see it because I’m not showing you in the way that you want me to.”
I was thinking about this conversation later on at work, and suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I finally got what he was saying. This is what I’m ashamed of, and I wasn’t comfortable with sharing, but… he’s right. One of my issues is feeling uncared for and unloved because he chooses to do something in a different way than I would do it to show love, and that makes my anxiety worse, then I’m falling apart, and then I’m feeling insecure. It is a terrible cycle to stuck in, and it is not a healthy or happy way to live.
When I made this realization, I thought back to the book and realized that I picked it up at the perfect time! I realized the issue. Will and I speak different love languages, so I’m not translating certain actions as actions of love when that’s what they’re intended to mean. I can’t wait to finish this book and share my thoughts on how I hope to change my relationships for the better!
The other thing I picked up is that ring in the photo above! It’s really pretty, and I decided on Saturday that I was going to “marry” myself for now! As you know, I’m building this blog on the ideas of self-love, and I’m taking this time in my life to try to improve my self-love, my worth, and my confidence, so I felt like this would be the perfect symbol for that! Plus, it was only $7.95! I love a good deal 🙂 I know it’s a pretty cliche idea, but, oh well!
After my Target stop, I finally made it Panera. I ordered the pick two and chose French onion soup and half a BBQ chicken flatbread. They were both delicious, but I ended up barely touching it. My head started to hurt after a little bit, and I started feeling really nauseous, so I packed up and left. I was really hoping that it wasn’t going to turn into a full-blown migraine.
After Will got off of work, I headed to his place, and we just curled up on the couch and watched TV. We don’t get the chance to relax like this very often. It was the best. He ended up falling asleep, but there was a Full House marathon on Nick @ Nite, so I was perfectly content!
I couldn’t decide what I wanted for breakfast on Sunday morning, so I just had everything. My usual yogurt with granola, a banana oatmeal muffin, melon, and lemon ginger tea.
I spent my morning working on the computer at home, but I had that headache come back on and off, and it did end up turning into a migraine. I finally gave up on trying to work and spent the afternoon napping here and there. I felt miserable.
I went to work at 4 AM on Monday, so I was out by noon. I actually love these shifts. They fly by! I felt okay for my shift, but shortly after I got home, the migraine returned. I spent the afternoon going back and forth between resting and trying to get things done until I just couldn’t anymore.
Tuesday was a pretty rough day mentally. I had to work at 5 AM, and I had a really tough time keeping myself together while I was there. Because of that, I decided to do a little pamper session when I got home. I had lunch, took a shower, curled my hair, and painted my nails. I had the windows open, and the sun was shining. It felt so nice while it lasted, but then I had an anxiety trigger in the afternoon, and just needed to get out of the house.
I decided to head to Panera again. I worked on my laptop for a couple hours with a prickly pear hibiscus fresca. The taste was really nice, but it was a little too thick for my liking. I’ll stick to my tea from now on. After working for a while, I ordered a half BBQ flatbread and a Caesar salad to take home for dinner. I had another anxious moment in the evening, but slept great!
Wednesday was SO nice! Like I said at the beginning of my recap. After working in the morning, I spent almost two hours walking outside in the afternoon.
In the evening while working, I had my last cup of hot chocolate for a month! During the month of March, I’m only drinking tea and water. I’m changing one habit at a time, and the first is cutting sugary drinks!
Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages?
What was the weather like where you live?
Could you do tea & water only for a month?