It’s so gloomy today, but it’s 55 degrees out, so no complaining here! After hitting -20, I’m pretty excited about it feeling like spring in Michigan! But, we’ll be back to snow tomorrow.
Anyway, it’s time for the next weekly recap, or as I like to call it; a look into the life of an anxious blogger.
Now, I wanna throwback to last Friday. I slept pretty well through the night, but I woke up in SO much pain in my right shoulder blade and all the way up into my neck. I have no idea what I did, but I’m thinking I must have slept wrong! It really felt like a pulled muscle, so I had to move slowly all day.
Mentally, I felt off when I woke up. I didn’t feel anxious, though. Honestly, I’ve had my anxious moments, but over the past couple of weeks they’ve just been coming and going. It hasn’t been the usual constant, nagging dark cloud that never seems to go away. I really believe it’s two things; my medication, and my new self-love/care challenge.
Since I felt off, I could feel my emotions building, and I was having trouble managing them on my own (but I am improving on it), so I called Will. Thankfully, he’s extremely generous about encouraging me to call him whenever and wherever I start feeling anxious. I used to do it MUCH more often, but now it’s only occasionally since I’m becoming much more independent and self-reliant. This feels like I’m overcoming huge hurdles, but Friday morning was just a little difficult.
I was able to stay on the phone with Will for about a half hour before I got up out of bed feeling much better. I got ready and put on a really cute outfit that I got for Christmas. One of the ways I’m trying to improve my self-love & care is by dressing up more often. It’s a really nice confidence boost. With my cute outfit on, I headed out for my exciting trip to the courthouse to pay that ticket. It was in the single digits all morning, so I was not excited to venture out, but it needed to be done.
I’ve been scouting a new working location outside of the house, so on my way back home, I stopped at the Biggby by my house. My absolute favorite place to work is at Panera, but the nearest one is about a 20-minute drive, and Biggby is only about 4, so I need something closer to home for my lazy days.
I went inside, and it looks like a really nice place to get some work done! While I was in there, I grabbed a cocoa Carmella and a ham and cheese bagel. It was all SO GOOD. This might be a new guilty pleasure…
Once I got home, I spent the afternoon working. I had something happen that would normally be an anxiety trigger, but I couldn’t have cared less. Working on my blog all day long kept me so calm and relaxed.
After I was done working, I took a long, hot shower, read 5 chapters of my Bible, and went straight to sleep.
Saturday, unfortunately, is one of the days I go to my “normal” job, which I absolutely despise. It’s one of the toxic things in my life that I’m currently working very hard to get rid of. As soon as I opened my eyes, I considered calling in. I was so cozy and so warm, and I truly hate my job so I really did not wanna go in, but I did. It was actually a pretty easy day, so I was grateful for that. I wasn’t anxious throughout the day, but I was just in more of a cuddly sort of mood. I went home and got some blog work done and then crawled right into bed. It was much earlier than I should have, though. It really felt like a case of the Winter Blues.
On Sunday I got woken up at 5:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep, So I ended up going to Panera. I ordered my favorite thing because it was my first time back in a long time. I had a chocolate chip bagel with cream cheese and a hot chocolate. I stayed and worked until 9:30, and it was so peaceful and relaxing. It was the perfect way to spend my “me time.” The only reason I ended up leaving was that I started getting a bad headache and just couldn’t focus on my work anymore.
I ordered a black ginger hibiscus tea before I left. Honestly, I was really disappointed in it. Once I got home, I spent a couple more hours working.
I was really happy I was able to spend a little time with Will before he went off to work for the rest of the day. One of the types of anxiety I suffer from is separation anxiety. Working so hard on my projects at home and focusing on self-care has really improved my separation anxiety, but it still comes occasionally. Sunday was one of those days, so spending that time with Will was really meaningful and calming for me.
We spent an hour relaxing, and I was able to share a lot of things with Will that we just haven’t gotten around to talking about, including my blog. I’m really thankful to have someone who is so supportive of the things I love. I even got a really cute surprise; a big stuffed elephant!
I absolutely love elephants, and Will is very understanding of my anxiety so he thought it would be helpful for me to have it at night since he can’t be here with me. Some parts of anxiety can really make you feel like a child, and at times, I suppose can even make those around you treat you kind of like one, but it is so comforting.
Once I got back home, I spent the rest of my day working and then crawled into bed to Pin and watch National Treasure until I fell asleep.
Unfortunately, I woke up around 1 AM and had a full-blown mental breakdown until almost 3 in the morning. Even when you feel like you’re starting to get your anxiety under control, it can run in swinging at the most random times.
I woke up feeling okay on Monday, but I was really not mentally prepared to go to work. I knew I’d have to officially meet the person who was replacing me for the position I stepped down from, so I was a little anxious about it. Change is a scary thing for me. Unfortunately, drama popped off first thing in the morning (not with the new person), but with a man who has not liked me for a long time. It made for a difficult day, but I moved on from it quickly.
Then, unexpectedly, the drama spread rapidly to the rest of this clique Monday evening, and the bullying (through text) lasted over five hours with no response on my end. Surprisingly enough, I still managed to sleep well Monday night.
Tuesday was a quiet, easy day at work with little anxiety and nothing to report. Will and I took a quick photo on Tuesday before I left work.
Wednesday was an entirely new story, and the bullying issue I dealt with on Monday hit an entirely new level. But, I’m hoping to get a transfer as soon as possible. I’m currently working on trying to make that happen.
I was supposed to meet Krystal for dinner that night, but I canceled. Instead, I went home, shut my phone off, and decided to focus on a night of self-care instead. After the day I had, I really needed it. I planned on taking a hot bubble bath with a candle and a good book, but the bathroom wouldn’t be available that long, so I took a hot shower and went to sleep. It felt really good to disconnect from my phone. I’m definitely going to do this more often as part of my self-care routine.
Yesterday morning I woke up with the bullying issues on my mind. I’m at the point where I really feel backed into a corner, but I’m using silence as my method. I really don’t believe that lowering myself to the other’s level is the right path. In my opinion, that only provides more ammunition.
Because of my anxiety I’ve always struggled with having a wall built around me in order to protect myself from ever being hurt or having to face the scary things in life, but over the last year, I’ve working to remove that wall one brick at a time, and that’s been a huge accomplishment for me. Unfortunately for me yesterday, I could feel that wall rebuild itself instantly. I started to feel emotionless and distant from every person in my life, so yesterday was a huge struggle.
Even though I was feeling super low yesterday, I still managed to get out of bed and make it to my doctor appointment at 8 AM. I had my first follow-up for my anxiety medication and got refills, so I am officially back on it, which I’m super thankful for. I have another follow-up in three months to determine if I need a higher dose, or if the medication is working well enough.
After my appointment, I stopped at the grocery store for lemons, a new mug, and hot chocolate, but picked up way more. It was super relaxing.
I came home, took my healthy grocery shop photos, put groceries away, and got to work for the rest of the day. In the afternoon, I took a break from working and took a bubble bath and read a chapter of my book. It was a nice self-care moment. After some more work and deep cleaning in the evening, I stopped for the night and painted my nails.
I lasted until 8:30 last night (the latest I’ve stayed awake in a long time). I was sleeping so well until Will called around midnight. I ended up having trouble going back to sleep for a couple hours, but still managed eventually!
Here’s to hoping for a better recap next week!
Where is your favorite place to work outside of the house?
If you’ve ever dealt with a bullying situation, how did you handle it?
Do you love or hate grocery shopping?